The Last Wish

Once, I lived with my grandmother. She was a nice lady who had high intelligence. She passed away at ninety-six years old. She could walk by herself and didn’t have dementia. But she had a problem with her respiratory organs, so she was constantly in and out of the hospital.

When she was in the hospital, I visited her as often as possible. She was usually sleeping. One time, I didn’t wake her up because I didn’t want to disturb her sleeping. But after that, she scolded me. She always wanted to be woken up when someone visited her.

One day, I visited my grandmother in the hospital. When I walked into her sickroom, she woke up and sat up. She opened her eyes wide and said in a strong tone: “Dying in a such place is ugly. Take me to our home.”

 I couldn’t make that decision by myself. I called my family members, but I couldn’t contact anyone. I tried to find a doctor, but the doctor in charge was not at the hospital. I found a nurse and talked to her about my grandmother.

 My grandmother grasped the nurse’s arm and said she wanted to go home. The nurse was surprised and said, “You are strong.”

 I thought about my grandmother. It was possible that somehow, she realized that her death was near. It was also possible that she simply had a nightmare. The nurse was surprised that my grandmother’s hands were so powerful. It could mean she might have a strong desire to live. If she recovered, she could return to our home with the doctor’s permission.

 As a result of these thoughts, I decided not to take my grandmother home. At that time, our house was not in good enough condition to take care of her. My mother had Alzheimer’s disease.

I asked the nurse to calm my grandmother. And I left the hospital alone.

The next morning, my grandmother passed away.

I still regret this. I should have believed my grandmother. I couldn’t fulfill her last wish.

I found her will in the things she left. My mother was her only child, but because of her Alzheimer’s disease, I carried out my grandmother’s will faithfully.

I hope this might be her last wish.

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Picture by Akemi Zyuzi