Hallucination

 

             My grand uncle was a rather odd person. He was the husband of my grand aunt, who had Alzheimer’s disease and whom I took care of. His hobby was making model airplanes. Sometimes he made the airplanes fly on the riverside. He ran a camera shop, but he was not interested in selling cameras. He was interested in modifying cameras. He enjoyed taking unique pictures.

              When I was a child, he told me many jokes. His jokes were different from those of other adults. He never said any childish jokes, even to children. His jokes always surprised me. He and I were not related by blood, but if someone asked me, “Who do you most resemble among your relatives?” the answer would be him.

              He passed away when he was eighty-four years old. He needed to be in and out of the hospital repeatedly in those days. I lived away from him. I repeatedly visited the hospital when I received a message: “He is hovering between life and death now.”

              One day, when I visited his hospital, he told me a strange story: “When I gained consciousness, I had a hallucination.”

              I worried about him, but my uncle looked like he had enjoyed that.

              “It really amused me. It was almost like watching a movie for free.” He started to complain about the nurses and the doctors. “When I described the hallucination to the doctor, the nurse gave me a shot. Then my hallucination was gone. They did such an unnecessary thing!”

              I didn’t know how to reply to him.

              He continued, “Shu, can you keep it a secret?”

              I answered yes because he was hovering between life and death.

              He said, “Actually, I can see the hallucination a little bit, even now.” He pointed at the corner of the sickroom. “There is a railway platform.”

              I went out of the sickroom. I started to worry. Should I report to the doctor about the hallucination? If I did, the doctor would give him more shots. If he was enjoying that, should I let him experience the hallucination? Otherwise, for my grand uncle to receive proper medical treatment, should I leak the secret? Ultimately, I didn’t talk to anyone about that.

              A few weeks later, he left the hospital. He recovered. I didn’t know that he was still experiencing the hallucination after he had left the hospital.               A few years later, he passed away. I talked about his hallucination with my other relatives on the way to the crematory. I kept his secret until his death.

              I imagine that when we are hovering between life and death, we can experience wonderful hallucinations. It might be nice. It could be a preview of heaven.

Picture by freehand