Saturday, May 30, 2020

The Big Smile

 


              When my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, I talked with a couple who ran a photo studio near our home. They also had an aged mother who had Alzheimer’s disease.

              One day, they talked to me with big smiles: “Finally, we decided to put our mother in a nursing home.”

              Actually, in those days, I had just started my caregiving for my mother. So I didn’t understand the meaning of their words and big smiles. I couldn’t understand why they looked so happy. They had left their mother.

              For over ten years later, I had lived with my mother and had taken care of her. I decided to put my mother in a nursing home. I was released from hard caregiving. An Alzheimer’s patient needs twenty-four hours of care a day. I was released from these busy days. An Alzheimer’s patient can easily create accidents. I was released from this heavy responsibility.

              I finally reached this day safely. From the next day on, my life had drastically changed. I didn’t have any difficulty. I had a normal life. Those were wonderful days. I wanted to share this great feeling with someone.

              I quit it. I felt really happy, but this feeling was difficult to understand. Only someone who had a difficult time during caregiving could understand this. From an objective point of view, I had just left my mother. My mother’s disease got worse. I gave up taking care of her at home. I should not express my happiness with a big smile. No one should say “Congratulations” to me.

              The goal of caregiving could be leaving a nursing home, a hospital, or a funeral. Even if the caregivers worked hard for a long time, the result could be a tragic end. I think this is one of the hardest parts of caregiving.

Picture by koti

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