Disturb the Working Order

 

My mother has Alzheimer’s disease. When we lived together, she sometimes talked to some invisible persons. This is a typical symptom of the disease. In my mother’s case, she often talked to my grandmother and grandaunt who had already died. I used to listen to my mother’s words carefully. I half-believed my mother were going to the next world. She could talk to dead people. I tried to find concrete evidence about the next world from their conversations. I wrote this idea on SNS.

 

One day, my mother started to talk to me. “Your grandmother has come.”

 

I answered, “Where is she?”

 

She said, “She is watching us but is hiding herself.”

 

This was the first time she said my grandmother was hiding.

 

I asked, “Why is she hiding? If she shows up, I will give her a cup of tea.”

 

When I said this, my mother paused before replying, “If she did so, it would disturb the working order. Some people are troubled.”

 

It could be true. If dead people actually show up, our living order would completely change. Most people, including me, have done shameful things hidden from people. We would be troubled.

 

I guess my grandmother had to hide from us because I was waiting to find concrete evidence about the next world.

 

Now my mother has moved into a nursing home. She continues talking to her invisible guests. Sometimes I can’t understand what she is talking about. It is not even Japanese. I imagine some invisible foreign guests are visiting my mother. We just don’t know the language. My mother used to love guests. I am not sure whether there is a next world. It is possible to imagine many guests are visiting my mother. I just want to believe she has happy days.

Picture by Toranosuke