Asking the Way in Tokyo

Now, we have smartphones. When I lose my way, my smartphone tells me which direction to go in.

But a few decades ago, no one had a smartphone. When I lost my way, I used to ask other people for directions.

In 2001, I had lived in Tokyo for a year. I was still a stranger in Tokyo. I lost my way many times. I asked many people for directions. But strange things happened.

When I tried to communicate with someone on the street, the person became nervous and ran away from me. They didn’t even reply. I tried to ask more politely, but it didn’t work. At first, I thought people in Tokyo were busy or people in cities were cold. But it didn’t take long to find out why they acted like that.

At that time, if a stranger tried to communicate with you on a street, in most cases, it was a scam. A confidence trick. The Japanese term is “catch sales.” The scammers caught their targets on streets and committed fraud. The scammers wore nice clothes and talked very politely. But they tried to sell expensive goods. They tried to make unfair contracts. In some cases, they tried to invite you to antisocial cults. Actually, once, I talked with and followed one of those scammers and had a scary experience.

So, at that time, in Tokyo, if a stranger said hello to you on a street, running away from the person was the correct response.

But still, I needed to ask the way from people on the street. Then, I finally found out the best way to ask the way in Tokyo.

I realized I should not get too close to a person. I should ask them in a loud voice with few words, like a childishly rude person: “Where is the station?”

Most of the people in Tokyo were nice and understood the situation. So, they replied like a childishly rude person too: “Go straight, and then turn right at the end.”

Politeness is not always the best way.

Because of those scams, people who really needed to talk to others on the street, like me, had a lot of trouble. I hate scams.

These days, in Japan, many people experience international romance scams on social media. People who are attractive but unnatural send messages to me every day. Somehow, in many cases, they insist they are soldiers. Is a soldier an internationally attractive job? But real soldiers might have a lot of problems. If a real soldier sends a message to a stranger, the stranger will suspect it might be a scam.

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Clapping

              I used to be a part-time stage actor. I was onstage in mini-theaters. So, I know that most of the actors in mini-theaters don’t get paid a performance fee. They only get applause from the audience of the show. So, I wanted to clap strongly and loudly when I went to theaters as a member of the audience. But I couldn’t. I was not a good clapper. My hands couldn’t make a loud sound, and I couldn’t clap for a long time. If I kept clapping for a long time, my hands were painful. I always wanted be a good clapper.

              By the way, I was not a religious person, because my parents were not religious people. So, our house didn’t have any family altar.

             When my father passed away, I decided to have an altar in our home. I also started to pray in front of the altar every morning.

              Praying in the traditional Japanese Shinto way is by bowing twice, clapping the hands twice, and then bowing again.

              People who are more religious than me do this every morning and evening. I am not that religious, so I just did it every morning.

              About eight years later, I found out my clapping had changed. I had become a good clapper. I never felt pain, even if I clapped for a long time. My clapping had become louder. If I clap as powerfully as I can, other members of the audience would be surprised and look at me. 

              I clap twice every morning. In this way, I practiced clapping for eight years. It made me a good clapper.

              I think this practice method can be used in other fields.

              When we want to master something, we tend to practice very hard. We could practice from morning to night every day. But in most cases, this would make us tired. In most cases, we would quit. This is why most of us are quitters.

              If you want to master something, practice twice every morning. Practice sincerely, like praying. If you have more passion, you can practice every evening too. If you continue this practice style, you can master anything in a few years.

              The Shinto praying style may contain a hidden message from the ancient Japanese.

              There must be many things we should learn from ancient peoples.

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Actor-Horse

 

              My wife and I visited a stock farm to take a picture with a horse because that year was the year of the horse. Taking a picture with a horse might have brought us good luck.

              We experienced horseback riding and took some pictures.

             I had the opportunity to talk with the owner of the farm. I asked him the question I had always wanted ask: “I have seen many movies and TV dramas related to horses. In them, there are sometimes scenes in which horses fall down. How do they film those scenes?”

              I imagined that the answer might be scary. If a horse falls down in a horse race, that could kill the horse. I prepared myself to hear a scary answer.

He answered: “Some horses can act like that.”

             What a relief. Those horses were different from racing horses, which need to run at top speed. Dogs and monkeys can trick people. Of course, horses can trick people too. They are actor-horses.

              But on TV, movie director Takeshi Kitano said a scary thing: “In the old days, they used stun guns to make horses fall down, but now we cannot do that, because of animal rights.”

             Falling-down scenes used to be scary. I can’t watch old horse movies anymore.

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A Question from A Student

I lived with my mother for fourteen years when she had Alzheimer’s disease. I published a book about the experience. A university invited me to be a guest teacher because of the book.

When I was a student, universities were very crowded. I was worried that I would need to talk in front of hundreds of students. Actually, there were only six students in front of me—because of the declining birth rate in Japan, I guess.

I decided not to give them a speech but to have a round-table discussion.

I briefly introduced myself and my book, then asked: “Do you have any questions?”

The first question was, “Why did you decide to care for your mother?”

That was not the question I expected. I couldn’t answer for a while.

I never decided to take care of my mother, not intentionally. I lived with my parents, and my mother happened to become an Alzheimer’s patient. At that time, my mother had many friends. They visited our house every day. I assumed they would take part in caregiving for my mother, but they didn’t. I assumed government welfare offices and hospitals would take care of my mother, but they never actively helped us. The caregiver needed to make the first move.

I never wanted to take care of my mother in my life. Everyone dumped the caregiving on me and ran away. No one would take care of her except me. I didn’t have the courage to dump my mother, and I never did.

I couldn’t answer the student’s question then, but I can now.

“In the future, I wish only people who wanted to decide to become caregivers.”

 

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Miserable

If Alzheimer’s disease progresses naturally, the patient will eventually lose the ability to walk, and the caregivers will need to use a wheelchair to move the patient. Finally, the patient becomes bedridden. If the patient and caregivers are lucky and the caregivers do the best they can, the process may not be so bad.

This is not always the case. Some patients wander around. In some cases, they get lost and never come back. Some have accidents and pass away. Alzheimer’s patients may have other diseases, and some die because of them.

My mother had Alzheimer’s disease. First, she needed a wheelchair, and then she became bedridden. Finally, she stopped breathing and passed away. It took about twenty years. Many people helped us. We were all lucky. I did as much caregiving as I could.

My mother and I commuted to a hospital that specialized in dementia. There were many Alzheimer’s patients in the waiting room who were in different stages of the disease.

While my mother could walk by herself, I saw patients who needed to use wheelchairs. I thought that was miserable. I imagined it took caregivers a huge effort to take care of them.

About ten years later, my mother also needed to use a wheelchair. When I visited the same hospital, I saw Alzheimer’s patients who could walk by themselves, and I thought completely the opposite: “Oh, that patient can walk by themselves. It must take the caregivers a huge effort to keep the patient safe. It must be miserable.”

According to a book, the early stage is the most difficult when taking care of a person with Alzheimer’s disease. Caregiving will gradually become easier as the disease progresses. From a caregiver’s point of view, a bedridden patient is the easiest to deal with.

I remember feeling relieved when my mother lost the ability to walk. It meant I didn’t need to watch her all the time. If we used a wheelchair, I could move at my own pace. It was hard to help her when she was still tottering. I needed to look out for small bumps and steps.

If your loved one has Alzheimer’s disease, it is miserable, but how miserable you are cannot be judged by surface appearances. Those caring for people in the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease experience the hardest life. They and their elderly relatives might look normal. We can’t know who is miserable from their appearance.

 

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Picture by Izumi Kobayashi

Medicine for Alzheimer ‘s disease

　I once cared for two Alzheimer’s disease patients, my mother and my great aunt. I had hard days at that time. Taking care of Alzheimer’s patients at home is difficult -- almost impossible. It hurts to remember those days, even now.

 One day, I saw to a big newspaper advertisement about a medicine. It said the medicine was effective for Alzheimer’s disease. At that time, there was just one Alzheimer’s medicine, Aricept, covered by the Japanese insurance system. My mother and my great aunt were taking Aricept, but the advertisement said this new medicine would be good for the disease.

 It cost 150 dollars per month. If I bought it for my mother and my great aunt, I’d have to pay 300 dollars every month. Expensive! But if that medicine helped our hard situation, it would be priceless.

 Before I decided to buy the medicine, I talked to our doctor about it. He didn’t know about the medicine. He said he was not sure if it was effective or not.

 I was suspicious, and we could not afford the medicine. I gave up on buying it.

 A few years later, I found a small article in the same newspaper. Scientists had discovered that the medicine had no effect on Alzheimer’s disease. It was a fake medicine!

 It was so close. I almost had paid for this fraud! If I had paid 300 dollars every month, it would be 3,600 dollars every year! The caregivers for Alzheimer’s disease patients are vulnerable. They are all struggling. A drowning man will clutch at a straw. The company took advantage of their weakness. I can’t forgive them.

 I also can’t forgive the newspaper company. They put the advertisement in the paper. Many people were fooled by the advertisement. Then, the newspaper company published only a very small article to explain that the medicine did not work. It was too late and too small.

 These days, false advertisement on social media is a hot topic. But even now, there may be false advertisement in the mass media. All media loves sponsors, because everyone loves money.

 Trust nobody!

Picture by Ammatar

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Don’t Lump

 When I visited the USA by myself for the first time, I stayed at a B&B. It was economic and also introduced me to a roommate.

 My first roommate was an older Swedish man. I am not familiar with Sweden, but I remembered that I had learned at university that Sweden and Denmark were good at social welfare. I mentioned that as a compliment, but he was not happy to hear it. He said, “Don’t lump Swede and Denmark.”

 When I lived in Osaka, I visited Sakai, which is located next to Osaka. I am from Nagoya. It is different part of Japan. I mentioned differences between Osaka and Nagoya to a person in Sakai.

 He was not happy to hear that. He said, “Don’t lump Sakai and Osaka.”

 Generally, neighbors are similar. But in most cases, they don’t want to be lumped.

 I have an elder brother. His face and voice are similar to mine. But if someone said we had similar personalities, I would be not happy. I would say, “Don’t lump me and my elder brother.”

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