Towels

My mother used to fold towels into three for storage. That was our family style. I assumed everyone folded towels into three.

When my mother had Alzheimer’s disease, helpers started to come to her house. They did many tasks, such as laundry. Then, I realized most people fold towels into four. I didn’t have any reason to tell them about our family style. I adopted their style and started to fold towels into four.

But at my house, I kept our family tradition. My wife I and folded towels into three.

My mother has since passed away. And I found my wife now tends to fold towels into four. At my wife’s parents house, they fold towels into four. She had adopted my style before. I fold towels into three; my wife folds them into four. That is not efficient. Differently folded towels are not good for storage.

From now on, I will fold towels into four.

Goodbye, Mommy.

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Picture by Gugu

Acting Being Upset

　I am a smoker. I know that is a bad habit. I want to quit someday.

I use an e-cigarette. To smoke an e-cigarette, I don’t need a lighter. Still, I always carry a lighter. I think I need a lighter in certain situations. Up to now, I have used it just once. When I experienced a blackout, the lighter was useful.

In the old days, many people were smokers. We could see many people smoking on TV. At that time, the typical way of acting being upset with a cigarette was the smoker trying to light the wrong end of the cigarette. The person had the cigarette the wrong way round because they were so upset. “Why can’t I light the cigarette? Oh! It was the wrong way round.” That was a classic line.

A few years ago, I was upset.

I hid the fact that I was upset and went away from the other people. Then, I tried to smoke to calm down. “Why can’t I light the cigarette? Oh!”

Actually, I was trying to light my e-cigarette with the lighter. It might have been dangerous.

I was very upset.

Is this scene possible on TV? A character is so upset that they try to light an e-cigarette with a lighter?

No, most people don’t smoke these days. I think it is realistic, but it doesn’t work.

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Picture by Rainman

Asking the Way in Tokyo

Now, we have smartphones. When I lose my way, my smartphone tells me which direction to go in.

But a few decades ago, no one had a smartphone. When I lost my way, I used to ask other people for directions.

In 2001, I had lived in Tokyo for a year. I was still a stranger in Tokyo. I lost my way many times. I asked many people for directions. But strange things happened.

When I tried to communicate with someone on the street, the person became nervous and ran away from me. They didn’t even reply. I tried to ask more politely, but it didn’t work. At first, I thought people in Tokyo were busy or people in cities were cold. But it didn’t take long to find out why they acted like that.

At that time, if a stranger tried to communicate with you on a street, in most cases, it was a scam. A confidence trick. The Japanese term is “catch sales.” The scammers caught their targets on streets and committed fraud. The scammers wore nice clothes and talked very politely. But they tried to sell expensive goods. They tried to make unfair contracts. In some cases, they tried to invite you to antisocial cults. Actually, once, I talked with and followed one of those scammers and had a scary experience.

So, at that time, in Tokyo, if a stranger said hello to you on a street, running away from the person was the correct response.

But still, I needed to ask the way from people on the street. Then, I finally found out the best way to ask the way in Tokyo.

I realized I should not get too close to a person. I should ask them in a loud voice with few words, like a childishly rude person: “Where is the station?”

Most of the people in Tokyo were nice and understood the situation. So, they replied like a childishly rude person too: “Go straight, and then turn right at the end.”

Politeness is not always the best way.

Because of those scams, people who really needed to talk to others on the street, like me, had a lot of trouble. I hate scams.

These days, in Japan, many people experience international romance scams on social media. People who are attractive but unnatural send messages to me every day. Somehow, in many cases, they insist they are soldiers. Is a soldier an internationally attractive job? But real soldiers might have a lot of problems. If a real soldier sends a message to a stranger, the stranger will suspect it might be a scam.

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Picture by Nikai-no-Mado

 

Clapping

              I used to be a part-time stage actor. I was onstage in mini-theaters. So, I know that most of the actors in mini-theaters don’t get paid a performance fee. They only get applause from the audience of the show. So, I wanted to clap strongly and loudly when I went to theaters as a member of the audience. But I couldn’t. I was not a good clapper. My hands couldn’t make a loud sound, and I couldn’t clap for a long time. If I kept clapping for a long time, my hands were painful. I always wanted be a good clapper.

              By the way, I was not a religious person, because my parents were not religious people. So, our house didn’t have any family altar.

             When my father passed away, I decided to have an altar in our home. I also started to pray in front of the altar every morning.

              Praying in the traditional Japanese Shinto way is by bowing twice, clapping the hands twice, and then bowing again.

              People who are more religious than me do this every morning and evening. I am not that religious, so I just did it every morning.

              About eight years later, I found out my clapping had changed. I had become a good clapper. I never felt pain, even if I clapped for a long time. My clapping had become louder. If I clap as powerfully as I can, other members of the audience would be surprised and look at me. 

              I clap twice every morning. In this way, I practiced clapping for eight years. It made me a good clapper.

              I think this practice method can be used in other fields.

              When we want to master something, we tend to practice very hard. We could practice from morning to night every day. But in most cases, this would make us tired. In most cases, we would quit. This is why most of us are quitters.

              If you want to master something, practice twice every morning. Practice sincerely, like praying. If you have more passion, you can practice every evening too. If you continue this practice style, you can master anything in a few years.

              The Shinto praying style may contain a hidden message from the ancient Japanese.

              There must be many things we should learn from ancient peoples.

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Picture by TzLab

Actor-Horse

 

              My wife and I visited a stock farm to take a picture with a horse because that year was the year of the horse. Taking a picture with a horse might have brought us good luck.

              We experienced horseback riding and took some pictures.

             I had the opportunity to talk with the owner of the farm. I asked him the question I had always wanted ask: “I have seen many movies and TV dramas related to horses. In them, there are sometimes scenes in which horses fall down. How do they film those scenes?”

              I imagined that the answer might be scary. If a horse falls down in a horse race, that could kill the horse. I prepared myself to hear a scary answer.

He answered: “Some horses can act like that.”

             What a relief. Those horses were different from racing horses, which need to run at top speed. Dogs and monkeys can trick people. Of course, horses can trick people too. They are actor-horses.

              But on TV, movie director Takeshi Kitano said a scary thing: “In the old days, they used stun guns to make horses fall down, but now we cannot do that, because of animal rights.”

             Falling-down scenes used to be scary. I can’t watch old horse movies anymore.

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Picture by yod67

 

A Question from A Student

I lived with my mother for fourteen years when she had Alzheimer’s disease. I published a book about the experience. A university invited me to be a guest teacher because of the book.

When I was a student, universities were very crowded. I was worried that I would need to talk in front of hundreds of students. Actually, there were only six students in front of me—because of the declining birth rate in Japan, I guess.

I decided not to give them a speech but to have a round-table discussion.

I briefly introduced myself and my book, then asked: “Do you have any questions?”

The first question was, “Why did you decide to care for your mother?”

That was not the question I expected. I couldn’t answer for a while.

I never decided to take care of my mother, not intentionally. I lived with my parents, and my mother happened to become an Alzheimer’s patient. At that time, my mother had many friends. They visited our house every day. I assumed they would take part in caregiving for my mother, but they didn’t. I assumed government welfare offices and hospitals would take care of my mother, but they never actively helped us. The caregiver needed to make the first move.

I never wanted to take care of my mother in my life. Everyone dumped the caregiving on me and ran away. No one would take care of her except me. I didn’t have the courage to dump my mother, and I never did.

I couldn’t answer the student’s question then, but I can now.

“In the future, I wish only people who wanted to decide to become caregivers.”

 

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Picture Undrey

Miserable

If Alzheimer’s disease progresses naturally, the patient will eventually lose the ability to walk, and the caregivers will need to use a wheelchair to move the patient. Finally, the patient becomes bedridden. If the patient and caregivers are lucky and the caregivers do the best they can, the process may not be so bad.

This is not always the case. Some patients wander around. In some cases, they get lost and never come back. Some have accidents and pass away. Alzheimer’s patients may have other diseases, and some die because of them.

My mother had Alzheimer’s disease. First, she needed a wheelchair, and then she became bedridden. Finally, she stopped breathing and passed away. It took about twenty years. Many people helped us. We were all lucky. I did as much caregiving as I could.

My mother and I commuted to a hospital that specialized in dementia. There were many Alzheimer’s patients in the waiting room who were in different stages of the disease.

While my mother could walk by herself, I saw patients who needed to use wheelchairs. I thought that was miserable. I imagined it took caregivers a huge effort to take care of them.

About ten years later, my mother also needed to use a wheelchair. When I visited the same hospital, I saw Alzheimer’s patients who could walk by themselves, and I thought completely the opposite: “Oh, that patient can walk by themselves. It must take the caregivers a huge effort to keep the patient safe. It must be miserable.”

According to a book, the early stage is the most difficult when taking care of a person with Alzheimer’s disease. Caregiving will gradually become easier as the disease progresses. From a caregiver’s point of view, a bedridden patient is the easiest to deal with.

I remember feeling relieved when my mother lost the ability to walk. It meant I didn’t need to watch her all the time. If we used a wheelchair, I could move at my own pace. It was hard to help her when she was still tottering. I needed to look out for small bumps and steps.

If your loved one has Alzheimer’s disease, it is miserable, but how miserable you are cannot be judged by surface appearances. Those caring for people in the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease experience the hardest life. They and their elderly relatives might look normal. We can’t know who is miserable from their appearance.

 

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Picture by Izumi Kobayashi