I have
a no-fail joke. I’ve had it since I was a child.
It’s my
sprinting. Whenever I sprint, everyone laughs at me.
I don’t
sprint as a joke. I always sprint seriously. But everyone laughs.
When I
was young, I was a part-time actor. I needed to sprint in a scene. The director
scolded me many times because he assumed that I was kidding. Of course, I was
not.
When I
was in my final year of high school, we needed to time our runs in P.E. class.
As usual, all of my classmates started to laugh when I sprinted, except one
person. He was a member of the track and field team.
After
the run, he came to me and said, “I couldn’t believe you could run that fast
with such bad running form. I wish you had joined our track and field team and
studied effective running form. You could have won a major competition for high
school students.”
My
running form was a joke, but my time wasn’t so bad.
My
hidden talent was found in my last year of high school. If I had known it
before, I could have had a wonderful high school life. In reality, I was a
member of the drama club. I lost the smallest competitions every year.
I wish
I had joined the track and field team instead of the drama club.
Are you in a neighborhood association? In
Japan, in the old days, everyone joined such an association. However, these
days, some people avoid joining one.
My wife and I are in a neighborhood
association. Once, my parents did the neighborhood association’s tasks. When my
mother contracted Alzheimer’s disease, she couldn’t do the tasks anymore. When
I took over these tasks, I had to act as the leader of the association many
times.
The neighborhood is an important system. If a
disaster happens, we have to help one another. I know it is important, but the
association’s tasks are too bothersome to perform in a peaceful world.
Furthermore, I needed to take care of my mother and father; it was so difficult
to be the leader of the association.
Some people in my neighborhood quit the
association. The post of leader is turn-based. There were only a few members.
My turn as the leader arrived too quickly.
One year, I became the leader of the
association again. I thought this was bothersome. Then the pandemic started.
The association skipped most of its events. I had almost no tasks as the leader
of the association that year.
We all experienced tragedy during the
pandemic, but at least my wife and I took a small break.
The most famous line in English theater
might be “To be or not to be,” from Hamlet by Shakespeare. The most
famous line in Japanese kabuki theater might be the line of uirou-uri from uirou-uri.
This line is famous because of its difficulty
to recite. Most of the lines of uirou-uri are tongue twisters. So actors and
announcers who are required to speak to their audiences recite this line for
practice. Some of them memorize all the lines. Saying all the lines might take
about six minutes.
I also studied this line when I was a high
school student. I was a member of the drama club. Actually, I assumed the line was
just a combination of tongue twisters, but this is not true. uirou-uri
is one of the best eighteen stories in Kabuki theater. It has a full story, which
I only recently learned.
The famous line is a speech by a medicine
salesman. He explains that he is selling a wonderful kind of medicine, named uirou.
He says that the medicine heals all kinds of illnesses—a cure-all. Furthermore,
it has a side effect. If you take this medicine, you can recite any tongue
twister easily. Then through a product demonstration, the salesman takes the
medicine and recites several tongue twisters.
A half-witted samurai watches this
demonstration and believes the salesman. He buys the medicine and takes it, but
the samurai can’t recite the tongue twisters. He flubs the line many times.
There is no such side effect from the medicine. The salesman simply practiced
saying the tongue twisters many times. This is the comedy aspect of the show.
The salesman is actually a samurai. His father
was also killed by a samurai. To avenge his father’s death and to determine the
enemy’s identity, he disguised himself as a salesman and traveled for long
time. Then he eventually finds his enemy. This is the story of uirou-uri.
Uirou-uri and Hamlet are both about sons avenging
their fathers’ deaths. The most famous theater lines in the West and in the
East are similar in this sense.
Interestingly, the medicine uirou
really exists, even now, but we can’t buy it online or even in any drugstores
in my town. Just one shop in Odawara City sells it, face-to-face. It is said that
the shop has over five hundred years of history. They said that they have never
sold their medicines via product demonstrations such as that in uirou-uri.
So it is a little complicated. uirou
is an actual medicine, but the uirou salesman is a fictional job.
Wait! What are you doing? Are you still
reading this document? I uploaded a video of myself reciting Uirou-Uri’s line.
Please enjoy my attempt at saying a tongue twister.
Now, many people wear a smartwatch. I also
wear one.
I believe I was one of the early users of
smartwatches. A friend of mine wore one and recommended it to me. I liked it. I
quickly ordered a smartwatch.
Smartwatches have developed nicely. But the
old models were not so “smart.”
My smartwatch evaluates my sleep every day.
Sleep is important for health. I started to care about my sleep. The smartwatch
can share my sleep information with my family and friends. Actually, I don’t
use that function. If you can share sleep information with close friends or
family, it might be fun, though. But if you take a nap during work time and
everyone knows that, it would be embarrassing.
Once, I went to a dental clinic for a
regular checkup. After the checkup, a dental hygienist removed tartar from my
teeth. I hated that. It was a very unpleasant experience. The machine was
noisy. I couldn’t move during the treatment. It took almost one hour.
After that, I bought a soft drink. I had a
small celebration party by myself. The next checkup was six months later. I didn’t
need to go to a dentist for six months, as I didn’t have any tooth problems.
What a relief!
Then, I checked my smartwatch, which linked
to my smartphone. I was shocked. My smartwatch recognized that one hour as a
nap. I didn’t sleep! Who can sleep while having tartar removed? Am I a big
shot? Was the smartwatch really “smart”?
I recommend smartwatches to you. New smartwatch
models never make this kind of mistake anymore.
My
mother used to fold towels into three for storage. That was our family style. I
assumed everyone folded towels into three.
When my
mother had Alzheimer’s disease, helpers started to come to her house. They did
many tasks, such as laundry. Then, I realized most people fold towels into
four. I didn’t have any reason to tell them about our family style. I adopted
their style and started to fold towels into four.
But at
my house, I kept our family tradition. My wife I and folded towels into three.
My
mother has since passed away. And I found my wife now tends to fold towels into
four. At my wife’s parents house, they fold towels into four. She had adopted
my style before. I fold towels into three; my wife folds them into four. That
is not efficient. Differently folded towels are not good for storage.
I am a smoker. I know that is a
bad habit. I want to quit someday.
I use an e-cigarette. To smoke
an e-cigarette, I don’t need a lighter. Still, I always carry a lighter. I
think I need a lighter in certain situations. Up to now, I have used it just
once. When I experienced a blackout, the lighter was useful.
In the old days, many people
were smokers. We could see many people smoking on TV. At that time, the typical
way of acting being upset with a cigarette was the smoker trying to light the
wrong end of the cigarette. The person had the cigarette the wrong way round
because they were so upset. “Why can’t I light the cigarette? Oh! It was the
wrong way round.” That was a classic line.
A few years ago, I was upset.
I hid the fact that I was upset
and went away from the other people. Then, I tried to smoke to calm down. “Why
can’t I light the cigarette? Oh!”
Actually, I was trying to light
my e-cigarette with the lighter. It might have been dangerous.
I was very upset.
Is this scene possible on TV? A character
is so upset that they try to light an e-cigarette with a lighter?
No,
most people don’t smoke these days. I think it is realistic, but it doesn’t
work.
Now,
we have smartphones. When I lose my way, my smartphone tells me which direction
to go in.
But
a few decades ago, no one had a smartphone. When I lost my way, I used to ask
other people for directions.
In
2001, I had lived in Tokyo for a year. I was still a stranger in Tokyo. I lost my
way many times. I asked many people for directions. But strange things happened.
When
I tried to communicate with someone on the street, the person became nervous
and ran away from me. They didn’t even reply. I tried to ask more politely, but
it didn’t work. At first, I thought people in Tokyo were busy or people in
cities were cold. But it didn’t take long to find out why they acted like that.
At
that time, if a stranger tried to communicate with you on a street, in most
cases, it was a scam. A confidence trick. The Japanese term is “catch sales.”
The scammers caught their targets on streets and committed fraud. The scammers
wore nice clothes and talked very politely. But they tried to sell expensive
goods. They tried to make unfair contracts. In some cases, they tried to invite
you to antisocial cults. Actually, once, I talked with and followed one of those
scammers and had a scary experience.
So,
at that time, in Tokyo, if a stranger said hello to you on a street, running
away from the person was the correct response.
But
still, I needed to ask the way from people on the street. Then, I finally found
out the best way to ask the way in Tokyo.
I
realized I should not get too close to a person. I should ask them in a loud
voice with few words, like a childishly rude person: “Where is the station?”
Most
of the people in Tokyo were nice and understood the situation. So, they replied
like a childishly rude person too: “Go straight, and then turn right at the end.”
Politeness
is not always the best way.
Because
of those scams, people who really needed to talk to others on the street, like
me, had a lot of trouble. I hate scams.
These
days, in Japan, many people experience international romance scams on social
media. People who are attractive but unnatural send messages to me every day. Somehow,
in many cases, they insist they are soldiers. Is a soldier an internationally attractive
job? But real soldiers might have a lot of problems. If a real soldier sends a
message to a stranger, the stranger will suspect it might be a scam.
