My Mother Used to Say

 

 My mother used to say, “When you evaluate a person, you should not mind what the person usually says. Watch carefully how the person reacts when a negative thing happens.”

 My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.

 My mother had a friend who was like a right-hand woman. Her husband is a professor at a university. She always said beautiful things.

 The day my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, the right-hand woman and I were in the consulting room at the hospital with my mother.

 On the way from the hospital, the right-hand woman suddenly yelled at me. She verbally abused me. She took her anger out on me. For the next twenty years, she never helped with caregiving for my mother.

 I have an elder brother. He is three years older than me. He always said beautiful things. I told him that our mother had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. He suddenly yelled at me. He verbally abused me. He took his anger out on me. For the next twenty years, he never helped with caregiving for our mother.

 I always say stupid things. But I never yelled at anyone, even when I knew my mother had Alzheimer’s disease. Anger should not be taken out on someone. From that day on, I lived with my mother for fourteen years. After that, I found a good nursing home. I commuted there every week for six years. I was the chief mourner. I built her grave.

 The right-hand woman and my elder brother were my mother’s favorite people. But I don’t know what they were doing while my mother was in crisis. Maybe they were busy saying beautiful things to do beautiful things.

Now, I am very happy that I almost lost contact with them.

 

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Japanese

Picture by Mono Abe