Funeral

 

Once, when one of my loved ones passed away, I couldn’t attend the funeral. So I tried to attend other funerals as much as I could. Sometimes I attended the funeral of a person to whom I was not closely related. I believed that a person who was dying had to be going to the place where my loved one lived. So I felt that I could connect with my loved one by attending that person’s funeral. However, when my mother, who had Alzheimer’s disease, needed 24-hour care, I found it difficult to attend funerals.

The common Japanese-style funeral gives one two opportunities to attend a ceremony. The first one is tsuya or the wake, which originally meant an all-night vigil over a body. It starts in the evening. Those who are closest to the deceased stay at might night. The second one is sougi or the actual funeral, which starts on the next day at noon. My mother used to go to an adult daycare center daily. But I needed to be at home when she left and when she came back. Tsuya was too late and sougi was too early to accommodate my schedule. Of course, using the short-stay service for adults was an option, but we would have had to make a reservation a few months in advance. And no one could predict when a funeral would be held a few months ahead of time. Thus, during that period, I could not attend some funerals.

However, my mother sometimes said mysterious words to me. Some of them might have been spiritual messages, for instance, “Do you understand why you appeared to this world?” It was possible to think of my mother as already being a half-resident of the other world. Taking care of her was a possible way to connect to a deceased loved one.

Now that my mother is in a nursing home and I am no longer responsible for her day-to-day care, I can finally attend funerals again. But, my friends, please don’t die! I hate funerals. I sincerely hope you will live long lives.

Picture by Matu